Is It a Bird, Is It a Plane?

It's a Northern Ireland bread delivery van of course.

This was chased down by my Mum in my hometown of Carrickfergus.  Possibly the best bread delivery van in the world.

Ophelia Nightly is Back

It's time for the gloves and hats to resurface. Yes, hoorah & hazah burlesque is back baby.

From next week i'm back in my utterly fabulous burlesque class and shall be shimmying & shaking all the way. Not only is it back but it's moved pretty darn close to my house so no more wandering the streets looking like a cast off from Fame.

I'm sure to have lots of fun and humiliating exploits to report back on.  And hey, any girls out there wanting to join me on my follies adventure just let me know. Group humiliation is the only kind worth doing after all. 

You can read about my ongoing burlesque incidents in my previous posts, Von Teese Me andThe Continued Misadventures of Lany B D'Lamour.

In honour of such a fabulous thing I shall be spending my evening watching Cabaret and trying not to fall off my chair while copying the Mein Herr routine. You have been warned.    

Oh and if you'd like to know how Ophelia Nightly came about you can always read, Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself.

Big Brother, I'm Watching You

Well it's happened.  For some mysterious reason I've been lured into watching Big Brother for the first time since the original show back in 2000.  Actually to be honest, it's not such a mystery.  It may have something to do with this man, Bobby Sabel:

Beautiful but Boring Bobby

Please believe me though when I tell you, beautiful Bob has turned out to be quite possibly one of the most boring people I've ever witnessed on TV. Thank God he's pretty!

The pervert in me aside, I've actually found the show very very amusing.  I don't know if all the Big Brothers have been like this but the show has turned out to be a goldmine of quips and phrases.  Personal favourites so far include. 

"I had them done because I wanted them to look natural"  - Amy Childs in reference to why she had her boob job

"That's a bollocks of a body you have there" - Paddy 

"It's not about what car you have.  It's about how much money you've got" - Kerry (jokingly) to Lucien on love and relationships

So far though, the ultimate phrase is courtesy of Ms Katona. She wins my unending respect for the following classic: 

"I was shaking like a shitting dog" - Kerry Katona. 

Well done Kerry, I shall be slipping this into conversations from now on. 

Disco Inferno

Well last week my hubby and I (and a couple of eager friends) went to Clwb Ifor Bach for our first Silent Disco.  A fabulous night of manic dancing, name that tune and mime was had by all.

I'll be honest, it was little weird initially.  Walking into a quiet, crowded room of people pulling some (quite frightening) moves on the dance floor is quite a spectacle! Fun but weird.  Anyway it didn't take long to get into the groove and soon we were all up making arses of ourselves like the rest of them.

The only thing wrong was the heat.  Clubs generally, are sweltering places. I understand that.  This however,  was in a world of it's own!  I don't know whether it's down to all extra electronics required for the 'silent disco' or what but the heat was unreal.

Sweat was literally puddling on the floors and tables by the time we called a halt to the evenings frivolities.  When we oozed down the stairs and out to the fresh air we realised everyone had been suffering the same.  Little groups of people where standing outside sucking in great wafts of air.  No one looked in disgust at our soaked clothes and dripping faces as they all looked as bad as we did.

All in all though it was a tremendous night.  We'll definitely be going back.  This time however we'll be prepared for the heat.  I wonder if it will show my age if I bring one of those little battery powered fans?! Hmm.  

Weaslaphobia Part 2

I've discussed on here before just how much I loathe getting my haircut (you can read that post here).  Well it seems I'm not alone, as this little rant from David Mitchell proves. 

You Might Be On To Something There

As I may have mentioned, I adore Stephen Sondheim and his shows. While watching his celebration DVD recently my husband came out with the following, scarily accurate, analysis of Sondheim's career:

 "Looks like he didn't do any of his good stuff until he grew his beard"

 He has a point you know! 

Sondheim in a 'good' period

This Book Will Change Your Life

As you may well know, I'm rather a fan of musicals and for the last two weeks I have been completely and utterly obsessed with a brand new musical called 'The Book of Mormon'. 

Created by the people behind South Park and the guy behind the absolutely hysterical Avenue Q, you can imagine what kind of show this is.

The plot is simple.  Two missionaries (you know, the young, good looking American kids that knock on your door at tea time and try to tell you about Jesus) get sent to a village in Uganda in the hopes that they can convert the rather jaded population to The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter Day Saints. The villagers they encounter are cynical to say the least.  They have some very real & scary issues not to mention a warlord to contend with.  They feel God has turned His back on them and so they have forsaken Him. 

So how do two young Mormons go about converting these people? Well one of them decides he can do a lot more good in Orlando and the other decides to simply make stuff up.  In order to get the people to listen he makes the book a lot more relevant to his audience (adding elements of Star Trek & Lord of the Rings while he's at it).  The moral implications of these scriptural changes are neatly debated in the song 'You're Making Things Up Again'. 

When the villagers come to see that this religion speaks to their problems, they start to come round and eventually convert.  There's a fantastically funny track at this point called 'Baptise Me' which plays like a love song and contains the rather unsubtle (yet very funny) lines “I've been dowsed by the Heavenly Father” and “I'm wet with salvation”. 

My favourite lines in the whole show however are the following:

“I'm gonna take you back to biblical times, 1823”

&

“I believe that in 1978 God changed His mind about black people”

One of the best songs in the whole show is called “Turn It Off”. This is a dangerously catchy little number about how to keep those awkward homosexual feelings at bay.  Word of advice though, never ever listen to it on a bus.  I laughed out loud for 5 minutes straight.

With the creatives in mind it would be easy to dismiss this show out of hand as offensive and blasphemous but that's simply unfair.  Yes, it's shocking and does point out some of the more peculiar aspects of the religion but the overall feeling of the show is one of affection.  Despite the atheist beliefs of practically everyone involved in the show, there's a heart-warming feeling about it and ultimately it says that there is a place for faith, even in the most awful of circumstances. 

If you're open minded (and a fan of musicals) I can not recommend this enough.  Some of the subject matter is unpalatable to say the least but taken in the spirit it's intended, I don't think you can help but be charmed by this show.

I have a feeling I'm going to be listening to it for a long time to come.   If you've got 5 minutes check out the inspired performance of Andrew Rannells singing 'I Believe' at the Tonys where the show took home 9 awards!

Jesus Said "Let the Children Come to Me"

Well if this old Irish schoolbook is anything to go by, it appears God is a bit more selective:

 

For the Enthusiast in Your Life

I came across this book the other day and couldn't really believe my eyes. Now I'm sorry, but surely there's something a little bit wrong with you if you buy a cookbook for your cats? I can barely be bothered cooking for my husband and I, yet alone a pet! I imagine though that if you are the kind of person to buy this then the probability is you have no one else to look after! Like this poor girl in her disastrous dating video perhaps?

The main reason for this post however is that this little book, strange as it is, reminded me of another classic I came across a couple of years ago. If you think that anyone cooking for their pets is a little unusual what kind of person do you think owns a copy of this:

Yes.  It is indeed a make your own sex toys book.  To get a full appreciation of this book please please have a 'look inside'.  

My particular favourite is the knitted gimp mask.  Why fork out for costly and uncomfortable PVC when you can create your own gimp mask from wool?  And honestly, What could be more versatile than the 'cat of as many tales as you want'?

I'm guessing the author of this book had his tongue firmly in cheek, no pun intended, while writing this, as had some of the reviewers for the product.  We can laugh but remember people, as the book says:

"...it's not just for loners. Making your own can help put the magic back into even the most jaded relationships"

The Boys Are Back In Town

Joy of joys, last night the new series of Supernatural began. In case you happen to have missed this gem of a show, Supernatural is about two seriously beautiful brothers, Sam & Dean, who go around saving the world from supernatural, mythical and religious beings.

Dean, Sam & Castiel (an Angel of course!)

Last season for instance, they took on the devil.  Not without consequence I might add. Poor Sam got inhabited by the spirit of Lucifer and alas, got turned into a ferociously camp version of the man from Del Monte. Then, when he finally regained his sense of style and heterosexuality he got trapped in hell!!! That has to make you feel better about your working day surely?

So this series is mega exciting. From the trailer it seems Sam has escaped from hell and is now some sort of uber buff blood drinking womaniser. YES! That sounds all kinds of good to me.

Now let’s not forget the other brother. I call him ‘consistently hot Dean’. Dean’s been to hell once before you see (and heaven in fact) but has remained gorgeous and quipping at all times, thank goodness.

Ok, so this isn't particularly challenging stuff, but it’s fun, good looking and quite scary at times.  There's also a lot of Christian mythology in later seasons which make for some very interesting viewing and of course we have ever impending Armageddon. Hurrah! It’s the ultimate TV show. 
 

With last night’s episode safely recorded on Sky + I shall be settling down this evening to a little bit of the Supernatural  boys thank you very much! I’m sure I’ll be reporting back.

Run Forrest Run

Well this week I’ve finally got off my rather ample arse and started doing “Couch to 5K”.  In case you don’t know, this is a scheme to get people up and running.  The idea is a simple one.  It’s a ten week programme and you are supposed to run 3 times a week with various intervals of walking and running which increases week on week. 
 
Week 1 for example looks very easy on paper.  You do an initial 5 minute warm-up walk, run for a minute, then walk for a minute & half.  This then repeats for 25 minutes.  That seems quite straightforward to me.

Full of motivation my hubby and I decided this was the week we were going to do it.  The alarm was set for 06.30 on Monday for us to get our run done before work.  Simples yes?

Oh dear God how wrong I was.  Running it transpires, is just plain horrible.  Seriously, it’s evil.  I thought I was going to die, throw up or do both at the same time. That’s not to mention my poor poor feet.  It really is not for me.

Unfortunately in these austere times, running is in fact about the only form of exercise I can afford to do. I love playing squash, tennis and adore swimming but it’s not cheap to do these things, especially 3 times a weeks.  So unfortunately it seems me and the bloodied stumps that were my feet are stuck with it for now. I’ll give it another week or two. To be fair, it can only improve.

Rain Rain Go Away

Nothing makes me long for good old Ireland than a completely fantastic billboard campaign:

I unashamedly pinched this from Kevin Lehane on Twitter.

A Kempt Woman

I am sick of walking around Cardiff and seeing these pristine people with their immaculate hair. I mean how do they do it? I wash and straighten my hair every single day yet I guarantee you by lunchtime I look like I’ve been caught in a hurricane. 

 

After careful consideration I’ve decided it’s my genes at fault. I’m cursed with Irish hair which needs to be free and flowing. It’s the kind of hair that refuses to be tamed no matter what I do with it. Clearly I was born to be a little wild.

Still, I dream of a day when I step out of the house looking groomed. Is it really too much to ask?

Let's Go To The Movies

I love films but it seems in the last year I haven't been able to see that many.  However, thanks to a lovely free trial of online DVD rental I'm finally getting to catch up and i've seen some crackers.  I thought I'd do some quick reviews of the ones I can remember! 

3.5 out of 5

The Social Network: Computer geek brings about the demise of the productive workday.
 

Positvies: Superbly acted and strangely watchable.

Negatives: None of the people involved are particularly likeable

4.5 out of 5

Inception: Lucid dreaming with guns and a big budget.

Positives: Not nearly as complicated as people said. Interesting, ambiguous ending.  Joseph Gordon Levitt is HOT in this movie!

Negatives (sort of): First 10 minutes play almost exactly like Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back video which meant I spent most of the movie dreaming of Justin Timberlake in sexy back video (apart from of course when I was dreaming of Joseph Gordon Levitt).

4 out of 5

Easy A: Teen pretends to sleep around in order to become more popular
 

Positives: Stanley Tucci , Stanley Tucci, Stanley Tucci! Actually a lot smarter than it first appears and very very funny in parts.  
 

Negatives: You know I can't really think of any.  It did exactly what it should have for a movie like this.

 

3.5 out of 5

Shutter Island: US Marshall sent to Alcatraz style prison asylum to find escapee prisoner.

Positives: Creepy without being scary and interesting 'reveal'. 

Negatives: The twist isn't exactly a shocker but actually that doesn't impinge on enjoyment of movie.   

3.5 out of 5

The Time Traveler's Wife: Time traveler grooms young girl by  convincing her he's her husband from the future.

Positives: As someone who enjoyed (but didn't love) the book this movie was remarkably enjoyable.  A lot funnier than expected.  The character of Clare is a lot more likable in the film than the book.  

Negatives: It's all a little bit schmaltzy for my taste.


 

5 out of 5

500 Days of Summer: He was a boy.  She was a girl.  Could I make it anymore obvious? *

Positives: One of the best movies I have seen in years.   Made me laugh out loud on many many occasions. Not that soppy and surprisingly up-beat. LOVED IT! 

Negatives: It ended.  I could have watched it for several hours more and then rewound it and watched it again.   

2.5 out of 5

Hot Tub Time Machine: The title pretty much does my job for me here. 

Positives: Despite all the odds this made me laugh, quite a lot actually.  Is really just a homage to 80's movies. 

Negatives: It's about a hot tub time machine!  

3 out of 5 

Burlesque:  Small town girl wants to makes it big in the dance world by singing. Also some nonsense about selling sky!

Positives: Stanley Tucci , Stanley Tucci, Stanley Tucci! Surprisingly enjoyable and some nice fun dance numbers.

Negatives: Cher's face is completely distracting.  Contains about as much legitimate burlesque as a Pussycat Dolls video.

Score is mainly down to dance numbers if i'm honest.

 

* I never thought I would ever quote Avril Lavigne lyrics in public!

A New Blog for Bookworms

Books these days seem to be covered in spiel.  Things such as "This book will change your life' or "I couldn't put it down" decorate almost all the books you see.  For the most part however, these little blurbs are far from the reality.  

Sick of the hyperbole my bookgroup has set up 'A Riotous Oil-Painting'.  A blog dedicated to giving you the lowdown on what the reviewer really should have said. 

So if you like books (or simply hate reviewers) and have ever been lured into purchasing by the promise of "A riotous oil-painting of senility, lust and greed", only to find a faded watercolour then mosey on over to the blog.

It's very much a work in progress at the moment so bear with us!

Lazy, Moi?

Oh my I've been a bit slack haven't I?  I would love to be able to say that I've been far too busy to attempt to put a blog post together but alas that's just not true.  In fact apart from some manic decorating and a few rather drunken nights out it's been a relatively quiet few weeks and that's the problem.    

The less I have going on the less I feel like doing.  Currently I'm only working part time and my goodness have I got lazy.  The days I'm not working start of well enough.  I'm full of bounce and vigour and have wild plans of what I'm going to accomplish during the day. Unfortunately by about 10am I've lost my enthusiasm and the sofa is far more appealing.  It has only been a few weeks but still, it's not good.  

Unfortunately my lazy spell has filtered through to the blog as well.   

This week however I plan on changing it all.  I'm going to ban myself from the sofa during my days off and get some bloody work done.  Including, I hope, some blogging!  (They might be quite short posts though if I'm not allowed to sit on the sofa to type)  

Wish me luck!  

End Scene

For a couple of years now I’ve been having a repeat yet polite conversation with some of my friends. I’m growing a little weary of having this conversation over and over again so I thought I needed to send this out into the world once and for all . . .



I HAVE NO INTEREST IN CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION SHOWS

Yep that’s right, no interest at all. You can recommend all you want and yes I know you have all the CSI boxsets which you’d love to let me watch but oddly enough I’m still not interested.

Oh and for the record. I am aware of the fact that NCIS has a Goth scientist. I’m not sure why you think this little nugget of information is pertinent or what in my personality makes you feel that will sway me into rushing out to buy the DVD’s but thanks for letting me know none the less. Also, repeating this fact in a more upbeat tone won’t help your cause either.

There. That feels better. Now, hopefully I can put this conversation to rest. Oh and in case you’re one of the few that doesn’t watch these shows . . .

She's a Goth scientist you know?



Storm

I've been waiting a long time for this.  The animated version of 'Storm' has arrived.

Tim Minchin's Storm is a 10 minute beat poem (yep, that's right) about what happens when sceptic, Minchin is forced to converse with hippy, Storm, about the deeper things in life at a London dinner party.

I'm a big fan on Tim Minchin in general but it has to be said, 'Storm' is undoubtedly his piece de resistance. If you have ten minutes to spare WATCH IT:

In my opinion, it's pure genius and echoes (albeit more eloquently) my own rather sceptical views on some of the more supernatural elements of this world and in particular the morality of psychics:

“Why is it OK
For people to pretend they can talk to the dead?
Is it not totally fucked in the head
Lying to some crying woman whose child has died
And telling her you’re in touch with the other side?
That’s just fundamentally sick”

One of the other major aspects of the poem that resonates with me is the assertion that this world should surely be enough for us without needing to look for deeper meaning:

“Isn’t this enough?
Just this world?
Just this beautiful, complex
Wonderfully unfathomable, NATURAL world?
How does it so fail to hold our attention
That we have to diminish it with the invention
Of cheap, man-made Myths and Monsters?”

Of course it's very easy to be satisfied with the world around you when it's a glorious sunny Friday morning in Cardiff.

Stroke of Luck

March In Pembrokeshire

I've just come back from a long weekend in the country. Bluestone in Pembrokeshire National Park to be precise. It's was a beautiful, indulgent weekend and the weather shone on us the whole time. I attempted archery (turns out I'm not very good), cycled (which I haven't done in almost 20 years and it turns out, I'm not very good!), and spent far too much time lounging in outdoor hot tubs (at which, i'm awesome). Absolute bliss. The highlight of the holiday however came on the last day . . .

We decided to visit Manor House Wildlife Park which was bought a couple of years ago by interior designer Anna Ryder Richardson and while it's very much a work in progress it's a beautiful place and is aiming (and succeeding from what I saw) to be an eco-friendly conservation park.

The park is pretty special because you get to stroke animals. I'm a big fan of stroking stuff so I was in my element. Things I got to stroke include: Wallabys, blind albino wallabys, the weirdest looking chickens I've ever seen & a variety of goats. All good stuff!

 

The highlight however was when Anna Ryder Richardson drove past in a Jeep, stopped and informed us that one of the camels had just gone into labour. We ran down to the camel field and got to watch the whole birth. It was rather remarkable. 

We witnessed the birth, the first very wobbly steps and it's many failed attempts at feeding. I'd also like to add that we would have missed the whole thing had Anna Ryder Richardson not stopped to tell us as we had already been to see the camels. An incredible holiday and an incredible experience.

Alas it's back to reality now and with that work. Still, I have some great things lined up in this coming week so hopefully reality won't hit me too hard.

Scientific Appeal

Isn’t science fascinating? Seriously, I can’t get enough of science/nature based documentaries and with both ‘Human Planet’ & ‘Wonders of the Universe’ on TV at the moment I feel like a kid in a universal candy store.

Currently I'm brimming with fascinating factoids about my world and my species , yet for all this insight I am still baffled as to why I find Prof Brian Cox sexy! No offence to the lovely Prof Cox but he’s not the standard heart throb is he? Still, he just seems to do it for me. I’m going to ‘out’ my sister at this point and say she also thinks the Professor is hot. So I know I'm not alone in this. 

 

The obvious explanation is that I’m attracted to his brain. That can't be the extent of it though. I'm not attracted to Jeremy Paxman or Patrick Moore* etc. Brains alone do not make the man it seems. 

 

Having given it far too much consideration I've now come to the conclusion that it's his energy & enthusiasm I'm attracted to. He is clearly deeply excited by what he does and that's pretty damn sexy in my book . He seems as fascinated by what he's telling you as you are listening to it. Who'd have thought enthusiasm would be such a turn on?

Sexy science ladies and gentlemen. It's the future!

* I'm ashamed at how long it took me to remember the names of just 2 brainy celebrities!