For the Enthusiast in Your Life

I came across this book the other day and couldn't really believe my eyes. Now I'm sorry, but surely there's something a little bit wrong with you if you buy a cookbook for your cats? I can barely be bothered cooking for my husband and I, yet alone a pet! I imagine though that if you are the kind of person to buy this then the probability is you have no one else to look after! Like this poor girl in her disastrous dating video perhaps?

The main reason for this post however is that this little book, strange as it is, reminded me of another classic I came across a couple of years ago. If you think that anyone cooking for their pets is a little unusual what kind of person do you think owns a copy of this:

Yes.  It is indeed a make your own sex toys book.  To get a full appreciation of this book please please have a 'look inside'.  

My particular favourite is the knitted gimp mask.  Why fork out for costly and uncomfortable PVC when you can create your own gimp mask from wool?  And honestly, What could be more versatile than the 'cat of as many tales as you want'?

I'm guessing the author of this book had his tongue firmly in cheek, no pun intended, while writing this, as had some of the reviewers for the product.  We can laugh but remember people, as the book says:

"...it's not just for loners. Making your own can help put the magic back into even the most jaded relationships"

Silly Place Names

According to the Metro and BBC the residents of Sully, South Wales are outraged at the criticism they have been receiving since their new bilingual sign posts have gone up. You see, apparently the Welsh translation of ‘Sully’ is ‘Sili’ and residents have decided that they just can’t handle the jokes that this translation has caused and want the signs changed.

Now I don’t know about you but I don’t find anything particularly funny about a village called ‘Sili’. I know it sounds like ‘Silly’ but it’s not and even if it was, surely there are worse names for a town?

For instance my grandparents live beside a pleasant little Irish village called ‘Muff’. Now that is funny! Far from cowering at the moniker though the local people have embraced muff and in fact you can even pop along to the Muff Festival, the Muff Divers Association or even stop of at the local petrol station which proudly advertises itself as ‘Top Muff’.

Now I know the Welsh are rather famous for taking themselves a touch too seriously but up to now this isn’t a stereotype I’d found to be that true. However, if the residents of Sully go ahead and change their signs I may have to rethink that!

When Love Notes Go Horribly Wrong

My Husband will testify I’m sure, I’m not a very romantic person. I’m a very loving person but I’m a bit too practical minded for most romantic displays. That being said I do have my moments although they don’t always go according to plan as my last attempt at romance will demonstrate.

A couple of days ago I was up & about rather earlier and decided I would surprise my hubby with a little love note. Keeping it simple I thought I would merely hide ‘I love you’ in a little note where he would find it. Simple, sweet and thoughtful no? Then I decided to get creative . . .

Ever faithful to his morning routine I decided to leave the notes in the cereal, milk top and sugar which he would inevitably use, in that order, to make his breakfast. Oh and while I was at it, I decide to draw an eye for ‘I’ and a heart for ‘Love’. Clichéd but hey, I don’t do this often.

So with my plan in play my husband got up and inevitably reached for his box of cereal. Still groggy and bemoaning the fact he had to get out of a bed a folded piece of paper fell into his bowl. He picked it up, opened it up and found . . . . An eye! A drawing of a big staring eyeball!

Needless to say he was not only confused but a little bit scared by this discovery:

“What the hell is this? Is this supposed to mean you’re watching me or something? Why would you put an eye in the cereal? Are you ok?”

It seems I hadn’t quite thought this love note thing through. Apparently saying ‘I love you’ to someone is a very different thing to putting a crude drawing of an eyeball into their cereal. Take heed people!

I at this stage was on the floor convulsing with laughter but my husband was still, naturally, concerned. I did manage to get my message across ultimately but I think it might be sometime before I try the love note thing again!

Happy Fecking Birthday!

What do you get the kid who has everything for their birthday?  Apparently a heart attack, at least so the Swiss believe.

Dominic Deville is an entertainer who is hired by parents as a birthday 'treat' for their child.  Not only does he look like something out of a horror film but he actually stalks the child for a week before it's birthday leaving threatening notes, texts & prank calls!  The culmination of this week of 'fun' is a cake in the child's face.  So, nothing remotely sinister about that then!  Seriously, read the article in today's Metro.  It has to be read to be believed.  You can check out the article here. 

Now call me old fashioned  but I'm just not sure an evil stalking clown is what I'd been getting my (theoretical) child for it's birthday.  A pram or a bike perhaps might be more appropriate, however what do I know I'm not a parent?  

They say parenthood changes you.  What I didn't know is it turned you into a twisted psycho who thinks that a lifetime of counseling is a suitable birthday gift!!!*

All I can say is thank God this guy wasn't around when I was growing up.  I have a feeling my parents would have liked the idea.

* I know there are a LOT of exclamation marks in this blog post.  However I do feel it warrants a few more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Equal Opportunities

Just come across this lovely advert for a Production Trainee at Channel 4.  It's opens with the line:

 "Disabled? Talented? It’s a win-win."

Umm i'm not sure they've quite gotten the hang of this equal opportunities malarky!

Don't You Hate It When . . .

Picture the scene -

A quiet little reception, snow patrol playing softly in the background. An attractive man walks in & sits in the chair opposite you. You risk a glance from your paper & your eyes meet momentarily. A flirtatious smile flits across your lips as the music fades. It appears to be reciprocated & you blush gently. You both hold your gaze for a moment longer.

Suddenly, the music comes back on blasting the Divinyls 'I Touch Myself'. You quickly look back to your paper & remind yourself you're happily married anyway.

The End Of A Rather Entertaining Era

Well what can I say, I'm changing jobs once again. I know that's the life of a temp but still, it means a new set of colleagues & more frighteningly in this case, a headset! Still, I do seem to settle in quickly enough in most assignments & feel like an old hand in no time.

My latest role has had some fairly original moments that I feel my new role will possibly lack.

Highlights have included babysitting an egg wrapped in blankets of tissue, studying a shockingly wide assortment of stab wounds & trying to fathom how anyone could feel it's appropriate to get your boobs out in a reception area "for an airing"! Oh and add to that a robbery which resulted in having my finger prints taken by a genuine CSI agent (it said so on his fleece) & I think you will understand my hesitation in moving on.

So future friends & colleagues, you have a lot to live up to & if i start doing anything deemed 'inappropriate', go easy on me. It's been an interesting few months.

Inappropriate Conversation Starters

Now I love my parents. Even better still I feel I can be open and honest with them at all times. That being said, I do think my Mum needs to reconsider her opening line as she answered the phone to me this morning.

"Oh sorry, I was just messing around in the bedroom"

I'm hoping for a hello next time I call.