Equal Opportunities

Just come across this lovely advert for a Production Trainee at Channel 4.  It's opens with the line:

 "Disabled? Talented? It’s a win-win."

Umm i'm not sure they've quite gotten the hang of this equal opportunities malarky!

No Strings Attached

It seems you can get almost anything delivered to your house these days. Anything from alcohol to cigarettes, roast dinners and umm tampons!?

Yes Ladies, thanks to 'Trinkets', you can now have a 'discreet' box of tampons dropped through your letterbox every 4 weeks as a beautiful reminder that you are about to go through hell or as the website prefers to puts it:

'Trinkets tampons will make you feel good about your period. Period!'

Make me feel good about my period? Really? I'm sorry but no amount of pretty packaging & soft pastels will make me feel happy that I'm about to shed my innards & have my entire body racked with stabbing pains, not to mention of course just generally feeling gross & devil like. Forget all that though ladies, look, cute packaging! See, now isn't that better?

Actually this isn't even the most nauseating marketing spiel I've encountered for tampons. Moxie wins that award hands down. The Moxie products are strewn with little mantras that make me want to throw up. Look at this little gem from their 'boudoir' range:

'Every day should be special . . . spoil yourself'

I'm sorry? Spoil myself? Unless there's a triple chocolate cake and bottle of Dom Perignon in the box I think I'm going to struggle to 'spoil myself' with a tampon! Oh, and in case some smart arse thinks they have the answer, I would like to add that the instructions strictly forbid use of more than one at a time.

As a smart, independent woman I would like to say that this type of marketing is offensive, demeaning and ineffective. However, as I actually own several of Moxie's 'purse worthy retro style tins' I can only hang my head in shame and tut loudly.

The Joy of Lush

The other day I made the foolish decision to go into Lush, for ‘a browse’. Some time later & considerably poorer I emerged with a bag full of goodies among which was The Joy of Jelly, Sex in The Shower & French Kiss!

In these days of stringent advertising laws and trading standards I’m expecting a lot from my new products!

Why do I have the feeling I’m going to be disappointed?

Women - A Functional & Ornamental Race

Recently in work I've had the very taxing role of scanning through women's magazines for inspirational pictures that could be given to a group of teenagers for a collage. Having been presented with copies of Red, More, Heat, Glamour etc I have to confess to finding this an almost impossible task.  

I don't normally read women's magazines so to be honest it's been a bit of an eye opener.  There's nothing interesting in these rags at all and the only thing inspiring is More's Position Of The Fortnight. 

These magazines coupled with a rather infuriating radio advert that opens with the sensitive line "Ladies, are you disappointed with your eyelashes?" have left me feeling rather deflated this week. 

Now this may come as a shock to some of you but as a woman I feel a certain obligation to spend several hours a week, moisturising, exfoliating, waxing, shaving, tweezing & lathering various parts of this body of mine.  This can be a chore at times but thankfully, for the most part it doesn't bother me too much.  Even with all that though, reading these magazines, coupled with the lovely radio advert i'm to believe that I'm not doing enough in my role as woman. 

My solution to this dilemma is simple - Fuck it all.  As a woman with a job and a social life I don't think I can commit anymore time to preening. I'm going to take an evening off from the regime of cleanse, tone & moisturise and devote my night to something I know will make me feel better, wine & cheesecake.

So gentlefolk, If my eyelashes happen to disappoint you in the morning, I really couldn't care less!